Why do we fear being happy? Why are we unable to bask in all the pleasure of feeling joy, excitement, love and happiness without the niggling feelings of what if? Like eating chocolate, enjoying the smooth creamy amazingness while checking out the packet and seeing the calories and imagining what the scales will say the next morning. Is this really living life fully? How do you fully let go and let yourself fully indulge in the moment?
It starts with you…
Feeling happy or positive emotions can spark feelings of vulnerability and weakness, these feelings often show up by thinking up worst case scenarios shifting our focus from our current happiness. For example going on holiday abroad on the aeroplane and about to land…………chances are you are going to land safely but why is there that horrible anticipation to feel the wheels of the plane to touch the ground? In that moment do building up the plane landing we are unable to feel the happiness fully, its dampened and numbed by fear and worry.
We also feel that we must make a conscious effort to feel these emotions to feel worthy, we must get this job, these clothes, beat our personal best in the gym, lose a stone until we are worthy of our own happiness. Flip it around and we do not have to do anything to feel sad, down, depressed as we are somehow ready to accept these emotions and feelings readily without any actions to “earn” them. Why? Why do we have to work so hard for our happiness?……….We don’t.
Let go of perfection
Firstly, ditch being perfect. In reality no one cares if you are perfect, and it’s a dangerous spiral to go down. You will never be truly happy with anything if you are always pointing out the flaws…..there will always be flaws and always ways where things can be improved. Why are we so ready to point out what is wrong and not ready to praise and be happy with everything that is wright. (See what I did there, its ok let it go………right!!)
Get ready to feel Gratitude
Concentrate on the positives and be grateful. Is the sun shining? Are you healthy? If you are ready to accept the positives in your life, you are already on the path of being happy and making it a daily habit. Creating a morning ritual can help with this, keep it simple- think of three things that you are grateful for while brushing your teeth in the morning. By doing this your awareness has already kicked in to look for things that make you happy during the day. For example, if I mention the colour red right now, you will subconsciously be looking for the colour red right now…….even if you try not to!!!!! Its already there in your subconscious and is a very powerful and simple tool to use. Aim for 3 things that make you feel grateful………don’t worry if you get carried away!
Self Love and Understanding
Yes I saw you wince!!!!! Self LOOOOOOOVEEEEE!!!!! Why do we feel instantly stand offish and weird when we talk about self love. As soon as we talk about self love people begin to think of narcissists and visualise people kissing their own reflection. Why do we never think of the healthy version?? This goes beyond the mere accepting yourself, this is whole heartily loving the person you are mind, body and soul. Its knowing that you deserve happiness, a fantastic life, love, money, friends, health and all those amazing things that life has to offer. You are worthy.
Going a step deeper, it’s also knowing that you can trust yourself. Enjoy everything as no matter what happens you are more than capable to tackle any situation that arises and conquer it. It’s having that confidence in yourself. If you do not feel like you can trust yourself, then why? Challenge yourself and thoughts around that belief and solve it. You are capable of more than you will ever know. Think about events from your past and see where you are now- you made it, even if you got a few bruises and scratches on the way.
Open up your awareness and bring yourself back to this very moment. Check in with yourself every now and again and ask yourself what are you feeling right now? Are you happy? What will make you happy? Are you stopping your happiness? Opening yourself up to what you are feeling will help you understand yourself better, it gives you a chance to shake of the stress and any negativity you are currently feeling too.
If you are struggling at all ask yourself if you could feel any emotion, what would it be? Take a moment and picture yourself feeling that emotion and practice feeling it. Then be conscious to do day to day actions that are in line with those emotions. Meditate, take a bath, watch a funny film, go out or on holiday with friends, go for a walk……the choices are endless, its whatever works for you.
Remember, your life is worth more than you will ever know. How do you choose to appreciate yours? Life is so short; how do you choose to feel? Get the best out of you by investing in yourself. You deserve it and you deserve to be happy.
By Lily Walford